I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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