you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
