VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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