i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
