I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
another moral hangover. fuck.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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