Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
