We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
