i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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