I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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