Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
