Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
