i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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