Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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