Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
