just tell him i said nine months
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
