he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
