apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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