Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
