i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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