fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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