Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
