would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
