Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
