Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
