Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
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