Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
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