what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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