If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
