Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
from now on my penis is your penis
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
