I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
