then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
