hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Randomize
