i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
im having a threesome with these popsicles
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Found your dick twin last night
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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