Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
