People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
