yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
