her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
