Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
