I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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