I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
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