Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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