Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
