I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
