What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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