Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
