Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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