Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
