I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
