i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
