So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
